Should you really be happy right now?

a brief defense of joy and event planning in deeply troubled times

It seems that in the past few months there is a particular kind of guilt that sneaks into the room the moment someone says the words event planning out loud. This guilt wears sensible shoes and whispers things like, Should you really be happy right now with the tensions in our country? This guilt suggests you read the news again, as if reading the news has ever sent anyone skipping towards joy.

I was speaking with someone recently about their very sick sibling, and I watched the hesitation as they spoke about their upcoming wedding. The guilt arrived immediately. As if joy were a finite resource and they had accidentally taken more than their share. As if happiness required permission from the universe and was only approved during calmer, less complicated times.

Now add in the political turmoil, the collective exhaustion, the recent highly visual murders of Renee Good, Alex Pretti (and so many others not so visible like Keith Porter), the sense that the country and the world are holding their breath. Suddenly celebrating anything feels suspicious. Tone deaf. Indulgent. Like laughing too loudly in a library while it’s on fire.

And listen, sometimes things are tone deaf. Kim Kardashian launching a new shoe line last week? That’s not joy, it’s refusing to acknowledge reality. Of course she is allowed to experience joy. Maybe just have your team read the room a little better there Kim.

But joy is not betrayal. Joy is human nature.

Planning an event doesn't mean you are ignoring grief, illness, injustice or reality. It means you are standing inside of it and choosing to look ahead. It means you are saying I know things are hard but I should and need to gather my people.

Celebrations often carry people through the hardest times. They give families something to talk about besides test results or headlines. They give friends a reason to gather instead of sending another well meaning text that wishes it could do more. Celebrations give us hope, human interaction, eye contact and hugs.

And there is a very real ripple effect that comes with gathering. Thoughtful celebrations support small businesses, women-owned and minority-owned companies. They support entire teams of people who make their living creating beauty and connection. God dammit joy also has a payroll!

Joy is also how the bad guys lose. Not because it ignores them/it but it refuses to be flattened by them/it.

Every time you choose to celebrate, to gather, to dance, to plan something that ends in hugs, champagne and sweets you are collectively opting out of being dragged down into hopelessness and distress.

There will always be something that will try to dull your sparkle. Do not let them/it win. Your happiness does not need to be postponed until the world behaves better. Your joy does not make you naive, careless or insensitive. It makes you feel human, it makes you stubborn in the best possible way (I am a true example of this).

You are allowed to hold uncertainty in one hand and champagne in the other. Look forward to the room full of people who love you. Let some joy take up space, Let it be seen. Let it be felt.

Because joy doesn’t just coexist with hard times, it outlives them.

Sidenote(s)-

“Never let anyone dull your sparkle” may be something Marilyn Monroe said and I certainly try to remind myself and those I love of that everyday.

We will get through this but only together. Take care of each other. 🥰